Change in Daughter

[Anonymous]

My daughter who has just graduated from high school has gone through a change that has me greatly concerned. First for the past four years she has been very active in Ag., through FFA & 4 H. and her goal has been to attend college and become a Ag Teacher. She has been accepted and made plans to attend a State University to obtain these goals. Now suddenly after attending a "CIY" Christ in Youth Event for 5 days, she has drop out of the State University and applied at a Bible College somewhere in MO. Although I do not think that these organizations are a Destructive "Cult" I do belive someone or some group has exercised some type of mind control over her. She will not have any constructive disscussion about this with us and has stayed very distanct from us. She has also limited her group of friends to people who attend her church. Does any one have any suggestion on how to handle this situation or where to go for information ?

Thanks

[lead7 foot71]

One of the most important things you can do is to educate yourself regarding the group she has associated with. Answer these questions to your satisfaction - What does the college and the church teach? Is it based on the Bible, or is it based on a particular person or group of people? What is their background? Attend their services - not just Sunday morning. Attend their activities, if possible. Ask questions. If you get resistance, ask more questions.
Finally, make sure your daughter is reminded early and often in tangible ways that you love her. We humans can tell if we're being lied to. Truth always wins out. If you love her, show her - and it will make a difference. Let me know how it goes, or if I can help in any way.

[uncledrunkie (uncledrunkie)]

The CIY is not really a "cult". For starters it is the largest christian youth group. My college hosts their summer camps every year, (Did your daughter come to the SIUC one?) I work at the main building for their services. The first group was 2,400 kids, the next week was 1,800. this week 1,000, 5 days each.

They are a group based on guilt and gullibility. each night ends with, bring your non-christian friends next year. "Our goal is that you reach out to others and bring friends who have no relationship with Jesus next year." Wednesday the ones who want to be "Saved" come to the front to have the minister place his hands on them and pray to be born again. "Of of course you can't come alone, bring a friend, and you must be saved if you want to go to heaven." Thursday night they all give up their worldly possessions to god. Some left expensive watches, wallets, shoes, dress shirts, necklaces, gold, rings, gifts, etc. Everyone left something and was told to feel guilty if they didn't. The minister then auctioned his watch, rings, and all of his clothes, except tee and shorts, to the kids, then handed the money to an "inner city" group. Mind you, all the kids are suburban middle-class.
The morning services start with Rock music, ripped off pop music with christian lyrics, (I played name that tune for two weeks), then a comedy routine, then a tear jerker, then a guilt trip, more rock. Then the night services are a rock concert, comady, tear jerker...get the theme? Execpt every night was a FAT collection plate. I saw thousands of dollars layed out, each night, 2,500 kids 1 small dollar each. I also was in the military and can identify the mental conditioning, setting up someone to think that they believed a certain way all the time. They ask for someone to give a little, then a little more, then all.

http://www.thesouthern.com/articles/...cal/105300.txt

If this doesn't hyper-link just copy-paste.
Here is there home page.

http://www.ciy.com/home/

Sorry about your daughter changing dreams, she may guilt back in a while though. Hopefully your family heirlooms stayed at home. I bet about 1/2 or more will deeply regret all that they said, did, and left on stage at CIY, no lie, but will never let on and will only act more christian to cover the sadness. They will also minister to others for reinforcement. If they are turned away "Ah, he isn't saved and I get good grace in heaven", If they are accepted "I was right, and I get good grace in heavin for bringing another to the flock."

Watch the movie "Saved" with Mandy More. Mandy's charictor IS REALLY HOW THEY THINK. It is real, who ever wrote it actually knew real kids like this. I was also one of these kids once, I was a wirly-bird in elementary school and in highschool I left just before I could join CIY.

[insider (insider)]

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[insider (insider)]

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[virginia20151 (virginia20151)]

My daughter is doing similary things with membership in Agape Mission Church. And yes, working harder to convert others, suddenly, I know, to reinforce her questions and guilt over some decisions the church has had her make that are antithetical to her "usual" ways of thinking, values and, yes, upbringing. What can we do?

[uncledrunkie (uncledrunkie)]

One thing that works, in my opinion, is to not be the "I know best" parent that you want to be. Try to just let your daughter untie the threads herself. That is, do some bonding, and ask how she is doing. Don't ask specific hard questions, it will only make you seem like you are forcing her beliefs and push her stronger away. Uh, some kids do this to fill in for a lack of attention they are getting at home, church father/ mother/ brother/ sister figures. I am not saying that she is doing this because of a bad life, she just may feel like her interests aren't reinforced. Since the church gives the child their interests, the church has no problem reinforcing them.

Now for those that think that I am being a church hating atheist, ok I'm Agnostic. Religious beliefs are fine, however when they disturb and interrupt normal life and change someone's way of thinking then I do not appreciate the "messenger". Youth group leaders think of them selves as messengers of god, that alone is wrong (pride is one of the 7 deadly sins!).

[trainedmonkey (trainedmonkey)]

This is on a totally different wavelength here but I need help. My niece, age 19, is going out with a young man 25 who is evil. This young man looks so nice but is an Eddie Haskell. My daughter no longer has any friend, Eddie Haskell has spoon fed her his "truths" about her friends, her family, everyone. There is not one living soul she is in contact with anymore but Eddie. He has badmouthed her friends and family spreading rumors about all of them to show that he is the only good thing in her life. Her family life is shot to sh*t; she doesn't speak to her parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents....everything is Eddie. What used to be a sports loving, jovial, happy go lucky girl has evolved into a cynical, depressed young woman. Everyone at one point has talked to her about this but of course, that is to no avail. I'm sure she's told Eddie of all our concerns and he has turned it into us hating him and he is the only one that is good for her. We see her sliding down more and more and more. So many of us are scared to death for her mentally, physically and socially. What advise does anyone have to give us? We can't allow Eddie Haskell to win but we c an't even speak to her anymore. How can we get her back so she sees the evil in him??

[trainedmonkey (trainedmonkey)]

This is on a totally different wavelength here but I need help. My niece, age 19, is going out with a young man 25 who is evil. This young man looks so nice but is an Eddie Haskell. My daughter no longer has any friend, Eddie Haskell has spoon fed her his "truths" about her friends, her family, everyone. There is not one living soul she is in contact with anymore but Eddie. He has badmouthed her friends and family spreading rumors about all of them to show that he is the only good thing in her life. Her family life is shot to sh*t; she doesn't speak to her parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents....everything is Eddie. What used to be a sports loving, jovial, happy go lucky girl has evolved into a cynical, depressed young woman. Everyone at one point has talked to her about this but of course, that is to no avail. I'm sure she's told Eddie of all our concerns and he has turned it into us hating him and he is the only one that is good for her. We see her sliding down more and more and more. So many of us are scared to death for her mentally, physically and socially. What advise does anyone have to give us? We can't allow Eddie Haskell to win but we c an't even speak to her anymore. How can we get her back so she sees the evil in him??

[uncledrunkie (uncledrunkie)]

OK thanks for being a buzz-kill in this thread. Why not start your own thread trainedmonkey?

[uncledrunkie (uncledrunkie)]

Sorry for the sarcastic remark, I did intend to put in some advice with it, but got called away so just posted. Girls seem to LOVE the guys that family hates for some reason. So instead of trying to break her away from him, scare him away from her. Buddy buddy up to him and lay it on so thick that even if he doesn't care he will be repulsed.

[maryland2004567]

Yes, it's daughter! we are in MD/VA area, suffered this Agape Mission Church, lead by a Korean pastor.

In late senior period, my daughter was recruited via helping room-finding. Since then, they warmly urge you to the "church"(abnormal one,more like a secret meeting room in Columbia, business district by a post office). As time goes, my daughter now is arranged living with the group members. She moved 4 times in a year but still with other group members.

The AMC claims Bible and God's love,taking partial statements from the Bible, or modify it. No debate faith here, the fact: kids changed so much. In 3 yrs, my daughter doesn't go home as usual and join the group on Tues/Wed/Fri and Saturday, and Sunday. For this, she lost herself, lost job. Rarely go home, doesn't return even on Thanksgiving Day.

I can't specifically point out what's wrong with this AMC, but I do see my daughter becomes extreme and hasty, proud and offensive(if I comment the Korean pastor's wife, who is in charge of them). I went their worship once, the music is strange and making you sleeping or "enjoying" in kid's eyes.

I wish to contact Viginia20151 if your daughter has got out or change her altitude to the family. WE are sad that my daughter did ask my wife if she can be committed to AMC. My wife ignored her question. In fact my wife was in very depression state.

My close friend visited a marriage ceremony of this AMC group. Almost all church members are called to go and the way their ceremony is so wierd, so pour and simple, naked body and knee to God,Fortunately my friend's daughter awakes up and relocate to other state (AMC is limited in MD/VA and NC).

At ages 21-25, most kids are naive and idealistic, how we bring them back to life road? A Fellow in my church just said it's hard, want me to pray. I wish to know more, God helps, lead kids to regular life.

[Annie Omnes]

Sorry for the sarcastic remark, I did intend to put in some advice with it, but got called away so just posted. Girls seem to LOVE the guys that family hates for some reason. So instead of trying to break her away from him, scare him away from her. Buddy buddy up to him and lay it on so thick that even if he doesn't care he will be repulsed.

Girls try every bit as hard as guys to separate from their families when we're teens/20somethings. Society teaches girls to be submissive to strong men and to find a man whose beliefs will be the dominant beliefs in the household.

It is only natural that many girls' minds are manipulated by abusive narcissists, then, because they're just letting a Strong Man With Opinions (like the Daddy they so recently followed around with stars in their eyes) guide their hearts and souls. Unfortunately, many girls end up with Pastors of Goats rather than Pastors of Sheep. They forget that only their fathers are meant to be obeyed because they haven't had much experience.

[flights_of_fantasy]

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[enteptamenoca]

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