If you look through the threads, many of us ex-members have confessed to our guilt for ever having been apart of Homestead Heritage and for going along to get along. We have confessed that we were men pleasers, putting our relationship to the group and people above our personal relationship with God and our consciences. We tolerated abuses, looking the other way, doubting we could be right about situations because the leaders had "more anointing, and represented God's authority. We were too much of cowards to think it through and see the truth.
I have repented over and over again for my involvement with Homestead and what I allowed to happen to my family and friends. I am guilty for what I personally did and for what I should have done and didn't do. Even as a submissive wife, I could have done better to nurture and protect them.
I shunned my best friends when they left because I feared the leaders and more discipline.
I told lies and half truths to visitors and my family.
The last couple years, I put a smile on my face during the day and cried my self to sleep at night because my god, the fellowship, "Jesus in the flesh," held me at arms length and on Friday status. I considered suicide, thinking my family would be better off without me and to escape the condemnation and pain I felt in my heart. At the same time I was entertaining visitors and pretending everything was grand. I was a phony, phony, phony.
I sat by and watched my friends be hurt and the Word of God and truth be twisted to suit the desires of the men in control. I did not take a stand when I saw blasphemy and heresy and hypocrisy all in the name of Jesus.
I AM very ashamed of what I had done. I wish I could take it all back.
I have asked forgiveness from God, my family, my friends, and even current members. Now I should ask it from you. Obviously you have been hurt. My going along with Homestead crud for seven years and keeping low after I left only empowered them to keep hurting people. I am sorry. Please forgive me.
I am doing what I can now to try to convince them to re-examine their beliefs and practices. I am doing what I can to warn others both inside and out. I do feel a great responsibility to speak out. Please, tell me what else I can do and I will pray about it.
I want to encourage you to tell your story. There is some healing in telling it. Tell it here or in private. Tell me, if there is anything I can do personally for you. My e-mail is email@example.com. I can give you my phone number and you can pour out your heart and even beat me up. It might make you feel better. I am willing to listen. I realize this is probably too little and too late. But I will do what little I can.
I am praying for you now. I am not sure just how to pray, but God know just what you need. I am praying that those needs are met by Him and His people. I also pray that you will feel hope for your situation and receive healing for the heart aches. May God bless every step you take. May He restore all that the locusts have eaten, and may He comfort and renew you.
The Bible says, God it true and every man a liar. It says, even though men are unfaithful, God remains faithful.
Men and women have hurt you, because they were not what God intended for them to be. God is always the same, always good.