posted by danrepent:
From: Elizabeth Nelson [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Wednesday, January 07, 2004 3:07 AM
Subject: about "spousal authority"...
I don't know where to start (like usual). I found that "spousal authority" letter you wrote last year under my bed tonight. Then not two minutes later I opened up the "women's role" book and there it was again! Anyway, I needed to read it tonight. Vince got caught in the p**nography again a few weeks ago and since then it has been an all out war. He is afraid of losing the family/marriage so he has totally bullied me in a corner-- even almost taking them out of state w/out me to prove that he has the right to be with "his children" w/out my approval. I have been so full of fear (in many areas) but specifically that he will try to take the children and accuse me of being in a cult. He has used my mother in this (who already has her problems with me because she wants a relationship that i can't give to her) and she has stood with him. I talked to some ladies tonight and that was hard too. I will forward "notes" that Shelly typed out afterward. I am tired of being a wimp. I agree with what was said. I really don't know how to walk through this. Vince keeps accusing me of controlling when I protect the children and even just in directing them. There is something in his accusation that has shaken me. It's true I have not wanted him to be in control and he hasn't been until he got caught in sin and started blaming me. He says I've taken control over the house. What choice did i have? He has been gone and he's no leader. I know I need to protect the children, but I can't stop him from taking them again without a fight. I want to see why it shakes me. I feel sooo powerless. I feel like his tactics on saying he was taking them to Pennsylvania worked. I am BEGGING for a miracle!!!!!! I am asking God to forgive me and deliver me from the fear of man. I have to let go of what every person i know might think! I want to hear and obey! I have been afraid because I have nowhere to go. I want to tell you this and not fear the risk. I have been asking God since I found the computer stuff if i should stay or go. And i still don't know but i am asking God to make me completely willing. While no one has told me what to do i feel like in the conversation tonight it was encouraged to protect the children no matter what. On the same token it was said by someone that I haven't proven myself with Jesus so i couldn't stay with anyone of them. I am probably wrong to be offended but I am. I don't deny that so many selfish motives have been exposed for which i am so grateful to Him. But something about thinking I have to prove something to people is what i am trying to stay away from. I believe His timing is perfect in all of this. PLEEAASE rebuke, correct, shine light, etc. love, elizabeth