heart, I would suggest you ask God about these things. Frankly, I don't believe a word of what you wrote and it has nothing to do with moronism being a cult or your experience as one. Take it to the 'relationship board'. If any of this IS true, start asking yourself why you have made the choices YOU have. By taking responsibility for your own actions, you can help others, instead of always dwelling on your own problems, whether it be boredom or whatever.